First of all, I must state the fact that I know several guys who have former bargirls as wives, and the ladies are exceptionally good wives. They cook, they clean meticulously, they serve their husband, and they put out an equitable effort to help their husbands in day to day life. They go to school to improve their English, and they complete their coursework for their level at a reasonable rate. They are full partners in a relationship.
However, these are the exceptions to the rule. Far more commonly, a nice guy puts out all the effort, and money, and gets burned in the end by an ungrateful and lazy bum of a lady who carelessly does things to piss off their husband/boyfriend (e.g., neglectful of his needs and/or blows money despite budget arguments and/or is unfaithful). When it comes time to part ways, she takes all she can get and makes his life miserable, in a most ungrateful manner.
When you're a guy in Thailand who starts talking with prostitutes, you find a few who say clearly that they do not want to do what they are doing, but they have no money, no skill, and few alternatives. You want to help, feeling that they've just had bad luck in life.
Many of these ladies are quite pleasant and calm. Others have a lot of energy and hustle at what they do. Some even have considerable education, e.g., are attending the university and supporting themselves by "working" on men at discos.
I'm an entrepreneur with 16 years of continuous self-employment and hiring people. I can always find something profitable for people to do in order to sustain themselves in society, including Thais from top to bottom. However, after several attempts at hiring university level ladies who asked me to hire them out of prostitution, and other freelancer down the skills scale, for anything from running messenger errands around town (low education), to answering the phone and making simple phone calls (medium education), to simple computer tasks (university level), I now must agree with my predecessors in this regard -- you will almost surely get burned.
The following describes some of my experiences. I have had 0% success with hiring ladies of the night who ask for and agree to a job, though admittedly it's a sample of less than 10, and I gave up a long time ago in view of alternative sources of hiring such as word of mouth in my Thai communities. However, I know a lot of good guys who have tried the same thing. The success of my associates is also pretty close to zero.
We always offer them more money than what other Thais are eager to work for, wage levels and job descriptions that many self-disciplined Thais would consider fortunate to get. However, the freelance prostitutes fail to be nearly as reliable or do acceptable quality of service. Fortunately, we usually don't even have to fire them. They just don't show up for work after awhile ... that is, they don't show up at the office, but they do show up at the discos again.
In considering "saving" a prostitute, guys lower their expectations for the lady's standard of work and professionality, and dramatically up the salary and fringe benefits.
I am sure that there are some prostitutes out there who would do a good job if given an opportunity, and be very appreciative. However, they are a very small percent, and I haven't met them in all my years here.
(If you want to know why the go-go bars are so strict and "cruel" by deducting a baht per minute for late ladies, and strict in enforcing that rule, this is why. As bar owners have told me, it's the only way to get them to work on time. Some companies have adopted this policy for professional employees, too.)
First, they usually don't show up for work on time, if at all. Secondly, if they do show up, then they aren't as good a worker as others, and often do careless work. You care for them, but they don't care much for your business and your clients. Why should you care any more?
In the end:
-You have wasted effort, money and precious time
-Your employees are laughing at you, the boss, for being a stupid farang (but some of them also admittedly learned to be less foolhearty themselves)
-Some things you expected to get done in your business did not
Fortunately, thanks to some of my predecessors sharing their wisdom with me, as I am sharing my experiences with you, I myself did not lose heavily. However, I know guys who tried to set up their former prostitute girlfriend in a business of their own and lost a LOT of money. Some have been successful, but they are just a very small percentage -- the exceptions to the rule. Far more commonly, the lady neglects to do what she says, spends the money irresponsibly "like there's no tomorrow", and sometimes outright scams the guy.
LISTEN TO THESE GUYS. Make up your own mind, but do listen, and look for the warning signs.
Hearing many of their stories, I quickly see their mistakes from the start, and excuse them for being new to Thailand. On the other hand, I learned some painful lessons several times over in my 9 years here. Each time, I raised my threshold for helping people.
I really don't like to be negative, and I hope that my experience was unlucky, but let me share with you my experiences.
First of all, unlike some other foreigners, I don't tell ladies what they should do, or lead ladies too much. I don't do that with anyone. For example, when I interview people for a job, I must see initiative from them, and I hire only those who express initiative.
I am guilty of lowering my standards when it comes to helping a lady get off the street. I have also been wrong to believe that they would appreciate it and try to help me back. The same goes for some of my friends.
Let's go thru some of our experiences.
I've changed the names to protect the not-so-innocent.
Non-prostitute employees
The difference between these ladies and the people I normally hire is literally like night and day.
With normal people, no up front money to pay their apartment, food, etc. They take the bus habitually with no complaints, not taxis. I get the feeling that they have normal communities and "credit" among family members and friends, and are trusted by others in their community. They are more reasonable and composed.
I am careful about who I hire. For example, after receiving a referral from someone, I'll call them. In the telephone interview, if their first question is "how much is the salary" then the interview is over. If it is about the job description, then the interview continues on to the next levels, including the salary.
So, what are prostitutes planning?
Usually, they have no plan, except to find a rich foreign guy willing to support them. They live day to day. They don't make much effort to think proactively. They just follow and react to others in their environment, passive.
If they have a plan, then it is to sit at home and watch TV all day, gossip with their friends, and go shopping.
If you expect them to cook special food for you or do other considerate things -- for them to put out the same level of effort for you that you put out for them -- then you're usually setting yourself up for disappointment. In fact, you will be lucky if they can even manage the maid and gain the respect of one for long.
That said, I must say that there are exceptions, as I know guys who have wives and girlfriends who are appreciative, diligent and more than earn their keep. (Sometimes I wonder if the guy deserves the lady!)
However, the good situations are far outweighed in sheer numbers by the negligent ladies.
Over time, a guy becomes more and more skeptical about ladies who express a willingness to develop a career alternative to prostitution. Is it just easy talk, "at the moment"? That is the issue to resolve.
For awhile, I gave them credit for having the courage to venture out into farangland in order to expand their horizons. However, more often than not, it's just to find someone to support their lazy, ultra laid back lifestyle, and take them away for some exciting and free (indeed, profitable for them) vacation adventures.
You can put in a lot of effort, time and money to help them, but when you need it in return, will they give you a significant amount of time and effort to help you?
Don't try to make them into something they are not. They are professional pleasers, and they will please your need to try to help them, but most of them won't help you back. When the time comes, after they've sucked you dry, they will just spit you out, often dramatically ... more often than not.
If misery loves company, the let it be known that I've known guys who have lost millions of baht ($25,000+), some their entire life savings, all hard earned and saved. Beyond people I've known, I've also heard of guys who have lost TENS of millions of baht. One guy married the lady and bought a life insurance policy, assigning her as the beneficiary. Her family hacked him to death (not very cleverly, either) in order to claim the money. Thus, he lost not just his money, but literally lost his life.
If you have invested a lot of money into a lady and have been ripped off, then be careful about trying to get any of it back, considering the possible dangers of this pursuit.
Be thankful for what you've got, and your own options in life.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Special Thanks : Thailandguru
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment